Living next to Philly.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Things I Hate: Moshing

I'm sure you're all familiar with The Colbert Report, a show on Comedy Central that I'd gladly list among my favorite programs on TV. There are plenty of reasons I enjoy it as much as I do, but one in particular makes his show especially enjoyable. Stephen Colbert employs a variety of ongoing series within his show that are all so funny, that regardless of whether it's "Threatdown", "The Word" or "Better Know a District" (my personal favorite), I'm always excited to see the next part in any of them. So I figure, why not try to do that here, with a handful of series like "Drink This Beer" or "Raise Your Glass", or today's "Things I Hate"? So expect to see more of this kind of thing in the near future. And full credit to Stephen Colbert (and his writers) for the concept. Feel free to interview me anytime.

Now, on to my little riff here. Last Saturday, September 20th (a long time ago, I know), I was fortunate enough to be in attendance for a ridiculous concert at the Electric Factory, featuring none other than the Mars Volta. The last time this group played in Philly was at the TLA, a venue on South Street that sells out good shows immediately, without fail.
 Naturally, I was intensely excited to have a ticket to see this heavy, crazy, louder-than-I-usually-tolerate band, whose concerts had been talked up significantly to me by my roommate, Ian. He'd turned me on to their music, which I've been listening to religiously for almost the last year or so.
And their performance was everything I'd hoped it would be, featuring a handful of their best songs (all of which have impossible names to remember, like "Viscera Eyes" and "Meccamputecture"). I was enjoying the show extremely - I was in a very good place for about the first half of the show.

Then, all of a sudden, three fucking morons come smashing forward through the crowd, leaping and pushing and smashing and disturbing a whole section of concert-goers.
Moshers. Those motherfuckers. You can't yell at them to stop pushing you, because they're not going to do it. You can't push them back, because it just encourages them. But we were a full 100 feet from the stage, and these assholes had to stop directly next to me for their little piss-me-off fest. Well, it fucking worked, and I stormed outside in a fit of rage to inhale a cigarette.
Once I came back in and found my company, we watched from further to the rear, never getting back into the good spot we'd been in, both physically and mentally. A big fucking bummer it what it was.
To those people who ruined my Mars Volta experience, I say, grow the fuck up. Nobody pays $50 a ticket to have a bunch of lugheads push you all over the floor.

Off to work. Later.


kelsey said...

tom i think i have as much respect for moshers as i do the idiots at these stupid festivals that dance by themselves and flail their arms around to the hippie music like their in their own world. I think if you disrespect moshing types you have to put blame on your own crew of people, they are both equally shameful and embarrassing, and hopefully we can put a stop to it. now that is change i can believe in, unlike the fake change i pretended to put in the bums cup this morning so he would stop harassing me, those smelly fucks

The Baby said...

Tom, now that I know how much you hate this I will now tell you what I hope happens to you on your birthday. I hope you find yourself in a moshpit with George W. Bush, Joe Carter, Brett Parisi, Mondo's husband, those three mosh pit guys, Dan Smith, Jose Reyes, those guys you played frisbee with that were douchebags, Bill O'Reilly, Sarah Palin, Brent Wallisch, that guy you punched off of my porch, Derl Knarr, Dean Tyree, and Tom "Murphdog" Murphy.

Anonymous said...

Kelsey -

this happens to be your your unlucky day. This happens to be Barnifer Baboon, receiver of your fake change this morning in my lucky begging cup (made from authentic McDonalds materials). I will find you again someday my friend, whether it be when I'm working in front of the WaWa, or the Gas Station, or taking my breaks in the alley, garbage pile, or maybe when I'm going over some important documents in the city garbage cans. I will have my revenge. Maybe I'll take the Life Section of the newspaper shoved up my ass and smear it at your feet when you walk by. Perhaps I'll cough more when you are breathing the same air as me, or maybe I'll just point a gun at my head and blow my brains all over your jacket. Revenge is mine.

Kermit the Blog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kermit the Blog said...

referring to bills post, that comment about the guy you punched off his porch just made my day.